Okay, it wasn’t me, but I secretly wish it were:

A MARAUDING gang of teenage gatecrashers got more than they bargained for when an angry householder used a whip to eject them from his 16-year-old son’s party.

Dion Driman pulled out a South African sjambok when more than 30 youths attempted to storm into the party at the rear of his home at Wahroonga in Sydney’s north.

I think his name makes him even cooler…

Man in wheelchair charged with drunk driving:

Police in Australia have charged a man for drink driving in a motorized wheelchair after he was found to be six times over the legal alcohol limit, local media reported on Monday.

No, that will be me on Saturday night instead…

John Denver karaoke sparks Thai killing spree:

A gunman in Thailand shot-dead eight neighbours, including his brother-in-law, after tiring of their karaoke versions of popular songs, including John Denver’s Country Roads.

[...]

“I warned these people about their noisy karaoke parties. I said if they carried on I would go down and shoot them. I had told them if I couldn’t talk sense into them I would come back and finish them off,” he added.

A perfectly reasonable response to a rather unpleasant situation, in my opinion.